Execution Day Parade: A New Louisiana Tradition?
Move over, Thanksgiving Day Parade-Louisiana might have a new contender.
Thousands lined the streets for the
first-ever Execution Day Parade
, complete withmarching bands, themed floats, and a grand marshal dressed as Lady Justice.
The highlight was the
Death Row Float
, a spectacularly decorated piece featuring oversized syringes, a replica electric chair, and an animatronic Khalifa being dunked into the "Gulf of America."Children waved tiny flags while vendors sold balloons that read
"Freedom Ain't Free, But the Death Penalty Sure Is!"
Tourism officials say the event was a smashing success, with next year's parade expected to feature a
Live Firing Squad Reenactment
, as well as afree lethal injection giveaway for one lucky ticket holder.
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The Gulf of America: Where Justice Meets Geography
The greatest achievement of Mahmoud Khalifa's execution wasn't the legal precedent or the festive mood-it was the
rebranding of the Gulf of Mexico.
In an act of sheer patriotic determination, Louisiana legislators voted to rename the iconic body of water
"The Gulf of America,"
ensuring Khalifa's burial at sea happened in a place no longer associated with foreigners."We wanted to make sure the burial was 100% American," Governor Dwight Beauregard III said proudly, flanked by an American flag and an alligator wearing sunglasses. "And what better way to do that than by reminding the world that even our oceans belong to us?"
Historians, however, were quick to point out the irony. "Most of Louisiana https://bohiney.com/mahmoud-khalifa-executed/ was once owned by France, so technically, we should be holding our executions in a baguette factory," noted Dr. Elaine Withers, who was immediately booed out of the state.
Meanwhile, cartographers worldwide are scrambling to update their maps, and Floridians are reportedly "mildly concerned" that the renaming means they now share a border with Louisiana.
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SOURCE: Satire and News at Spintaxi, Inc.
EUROPE: Washington DC Political Satire & Comedy
By: Golda Lipman
Literature and Journalism -- Macalester
WRITER BIO:
A Jewish college student who excels in satirical journalism, she brings humor and insight to her critical take on the world. Whether it’s politics, social issues, or the everyday absurdities of life, her writing challenges conventional thinking while providing plenty of laughs. Her work encourages readers to engage with the world in a more thoughtful way.
https://bohiney.com/mahmoud-khalifa-executed/
